Weekly Ramblings June 28

We are rapidly approaching the end of June, and somehow, Work Hangover headquarters is covered in Saharan Dust because, of course it is. 2020 is the best. Fortunately, in just a few days we will have reached the halfway point of the BEST YEAR EVER, and really, it can only get better from here. Right? RIGHT? 

Holey Moley 

One of the bright spots of our summer has been one of the worst TV shows ever conceived, Holey Moley. The premise of the show is obnoxious individuals in stupid clothes playing miniature golf on a tricked-up course that is designed to humiliate the contestants. It’s fantastic.  

The announcing duo of Joe Tessitore and Rob Riggle make the show terrific for a variety of reasons – sometimes it is Uranus jokes (ok, it’s the same Uranus jokes every episode), sometimes its openly mocking the contestants for being total losers and sometimes it’s making strangely coherent commentary like mentioning how one of the holes was so terrible because they didn’t have enough money to fill the obstacle with water. Oh, did I mention that Jon Lovitz is dressed as a pirate hitting chips blindfolded is part of one of the holes? No? Because Jon Lovitz is dressed as a pirate hitting chips blindfolded is part of one of the holes.  Apparently, Kevin Nealon was busy recording episodes of Crank Yankers. 

Anyway, despite all these obvious elements of can’t miss television, we were skeptical about watching. However, we will gladly admit when we were wrong.  In these uncertain times, there is nothing we need more than Holey Moley.  

Let’s Play Ball! 

We feel that we’ve made our opinion of the labor negotiations in Major League Baseball fairly clear, so we’re happy to report that the collection of morons finally figured something out. A deal was reached which will hopefully lead to a 60-game season. For a full rundown on the details, you can click here, but we’re just going to point out a couple highlights: 

  • 60-game season: Let’s be honest, unless you’re just a glutton for punishment, trying to follow a 162-game season is miserable, so this will be much more palatable. And yes, we realize the Nationals were basically the worst team in the league after 60 games last year and turned it around to win the World Series, but that’s not exactly a common occurrence. This format is much more fan friendly.  
  • 10-team playoff: To accommodate the shortened season, they’ve expanded the playoff, which again, is better for the fans.  
  • Extra Inning Rule: Starting in the 10th inning, each team will start with a runner on 2nd base. Presumably, this will help prevent games from going too long, as these poor baseball players might have to stand around for 3 hours multiple days in a row and we don’t want them to get too tired.  After all, it’s only been 9 months since they last played so there’s no way, they’ve had time to recover from last season.  
  • DH for everyone: Much to the delight of every pitcher in the National League, there will be a designated hitter this year to match the American League. The only people more excited about this than the pitchers who don’t have to be publicly humiliated every time they pitch are the managers, who now really can just take a nap in the dugout.  

NBA Bubble Bursting 

While MLB will play in regular stadiums with no fans, the NBA is still planning for its bubble to essentially quarantine all the players and staff in one place. And right now, if you could pick one state in the US to visit to create a COVID-safe zone, Florida would be your 51st choice. Where is the NBA bubble going to be? Florida? Oh. 

You’ll Never Walk Alone (as long as you wear a mask) 

Congrats to Liverpool for clinching its first Premier League title in 30 years, thanks to Chelsea’s win over Manchester City. It’s the earliest in the season (by games played) that any team has clinched the title, but we know Liverpool fans were responsible, stayed home and celebrated the championship quietly in their own homes. Or not

PGA Pandemic 

This week saw several PGA Tour players withdraw due to covid concerns, which is totally understandable, and will be fascinating to watch. Brooks Koepka withdrew because his caddie tested positive, Webb Simpson withdrew because of potential exposure (he tested negative), and Jason Day ended up playing by himself as the last person to tee off because he was waiting for his test results which weren’t ready at his tee time. There are lots of complexities involved, and it appears the Tour is doing everything it can to protect players and also being flexible, which is not something the golf world is known for being.  

Massive credit to the players for voluntarily not playing in “an abundance of caution”, but we wonder if they would take that same caution if this was a major. It’s hard for us to image Brooks Koepka not playing the PGA Championship in August just because his caddie tested positive. Will golfers take multiple weeks off prior to majors to quarantine? With the condensed schedule mean that players skip World Golf Championships or FedEx Cup playoff events to ensure they will be available for the majors? Will players skip events that are planning to have fans there to protect themselves? Lots of questions…little answers. 

While the PGA Tour can go on regardless if a couple of the players withdraw, but how will teams handle this in other sports? When a football player tests positive the week of a game, how many of his teammates will quarantine? Do they just forfeit that game? Again, lots of questions, very few answers. As MLB gets cranked up, that will be our first glimpse at how team sports can possibly work in the midst of this pandemic.  

The Man in Black  

We thought The Man in Black’s most impressive intellectual feat was defeating a Sicilian with death on the line, however his dialogue with Fezzik proved him to be one of the great visionaries of all time. Fezzik, an ardent anti-masker assumes the only reason he wears a mask is due to disfigurement of his face. The Man in Black responds, “Oh no, it’s just that they’re terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.” 

We can only imagine how our friends at the Palm Beach County Commision meeting would have had a more compelling case if Fezzik was with them. After all, he is the brute squad. 

This week leads into one our favorite holidays. In the immortal words of Woody Durham, “go where you go, and do what you do” to celebrate the Fourth of July, but just wear a mask. For the true love of Princess Buttercup, please wear a mask.  

Published by workhangover

I'm a blog, mostly about sports. Come for the gripping analysis, stay for the witty jokes.

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