Despite everyone’s best efforts, we finally made it to Opening Day for the Major League Baseball season. With a 60-game season, anything can happen. In their Nationals first 60 games last year, they were 27-33 and in last place in the NL East. In their final 60 games, they were 38-22 and on their way to winning the World Series. While we find it a little absurd to refer to a 60-game season as short, that’s where we are. As a semi-casual baseball fan, 60 games might be able to capture and keep my attention.
So, with that level of excitement about the start of a new season, the least we could do is provide you with some incredibly uninformed MLB season predictions! The best part about an entirely unpredictable season is that when these picks are woefully wrong, we can just blame Covid. Let’s dive right in.
- Red Sox
- Blue Jays
The Yankees are the most talented team, but ever since that little punk stole a game from the Orioles in the 1996 ALCS, we made a promise that we would never pick them to win the division in a blog post. And our word is our bond. While we really don’t know much, we do know this – the Blue Jays are in trouble. As of the night before opening day, they do not have a home ballpark. Feels like that’s a problem. Gonna be a long, short season for our friends from The North. For full disclosure, we read a little about the Rays and saw that they have 2018 Cy Young winner Blake Snell. We have never heard of Blake Snell. Maybe need to follow these things a little bit closer.
- White Sox
We really wanted to pick the Tigers for our friends in the Mitten, but man, they’re gonna be bad. But hey, it’s a short year so you only have to suffer for so long. Based on very in-depth research, it appears the top 3 teams are fairly evenly matched, but we visited Target Field when in Minneapolis for the 2019 Final Four and took a picture in a giant baseball glove statue, so they are your winner.
The Astros are the best team in this division, even without Gerrit Cole, but they cheated their way to World Series and the baseball gods will not allow them to be successful. Ultimately, we picked the A’s because it only seems appropriate that Moneyball would win in the most unpredictable season of baseball of all-time. Plus, shout out to loyal Hangover reader and contributor Stanny, who also happens to be a faithful A’s supporter.
While we all know that the Marlins will be terrible, there seems to be some variance in picking who will win this division. While the Nationals are the defending champs, we also mentioned their slow start last year. There won’t be time to lollygag their way into the season this year, so we’ll go with the young, hungry Braves to win the division again.
According to the ESPN preview that we
copied used as one piece of my in-depth research, the NL Central is the most wide-open division. That column picked the Reds to win it all but come on. The Reds? No chance. Why the Pirates? Because they just big-timed the Blue Jays and told them they can’t use their stadium, that’s why. That’s the kind of brazen confidence that we like from our NL Central champ. Plus, Colin Moran (TAR HEEL) is on the roster. Good enough for us – let’s go Bucs!
Quick digression – do you think actual Pirates are offended by the baseball Pirates using their nickname? Captain Jack Sparrow didn’t seem to appreciate being imitated in On Stranger Tides.
The Dodgers are the most talented and deepest team, and our elite baseball mind says that’s a good combination. Let’s not overthink this, folks.
Tampa Bay Rays – Did I mention they have 2018 Cy Young winner Blake Snell? Also, one section of the Rays’ Wikipedia pages is titled “Fandom”, which details famous fans and traditions, which include DJ Kitty (“a large anthropomorphic cat wearing a Rays jersey) and professional wrestlers (“The Nasty Boys, Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan all appear on a semi-regular basis). We’re not sure Rays Fandom could get any sadder.
Atlanta Braves – A sentimental choice, to be sure, but this best young roster in baseball will have the pain of last season’s playoff loss to the Cardinals to help motivate them this year. If you haven’t watched Ronald Acuna yet, make it a point to check him out this year. Worth the price of admission. What’s that? Fans can’t go to the games? That’s weird…why didn’t someone mention that?
World Series Champion
While we’re all for helping the Rays beef up their fandom profile, we’re just not sure that’s enough to beat the young, talented Braves roster. Something named Kevin Pulsifer wrote that the Braves are best equipped to beat the Dodgers, and if Kevin Pulsifer says it’s true, it’s gotta be true.
Either way, the real winners are all of us as there are real, actual sports being played this week. Might even help provide some actual content for this here blog site. Not that having actual content has stopped us yet!