It was a busy week in the world of sports, but like most of the last seven months, it was talking about playing sports that made more news than the actual playing of the sports. Fortunately, you’re in luck. We’re experts at writing about people talking about other people thinking about playing sports. Let’s see how the week went…
So, I guess the whole cramming your body full of
steroids protein and hitting the ball as far as humanly possible is a good strategy. Big Bryson obliterated the famed Winged Foot, and the rest of the field, with a 6-under total to win the US Open running away. Slowly, because, you know, he’s fat now.
DeChambeau was the only golfer to shoot under par on Sunday and for some reason, we didn’t hear Brooks Koepka chirping from this recliner about whether or not he was stronger than Bryson. Listen, we find DeChambeau to be arrogant and obnoxious, and winning a US Open will only exacerbate the behavior that led us to feel that way. But he also just shot the lowest total for any US Open ever played at Winged Foot. Remember that famous 2006 tournament that Mickelson threw away on the 18th hole? DeChambeau’s total was 11 shots better than the winning score of that tournament.
While we didn’t have him in our Ten to Win because, like many others, we didn’t think his strategy could win at a place like Winged Foot. We did say that if you shoot under par, you will win the tournament, so we got that going for us which is nice. We did pick four of the top 10, and that plus a visit to the Dalai Lama will give us eternal consciousness.
Also, we’d like to apologize for repeatedly misspelling Matthew Wolff’s last name. While our loyal reader has come to expect this attention to detail, we realized that the furor around Work Hangover has spread to everyone’s favorite coffee salesman Phil Mickelson, who trusted our spelling and then used it in a tweet this morning. We hope we can repay you with some tips on hitting the fairway next time you make your way to Hangover Headquarters.
Big Ten is Back
On October 24, the football teams from Big Ten schools will take the field. In order to do so, they’ll test every day, have strict protocols to follow to get back on the field if they test positive and still won’t be able to beat anyone from the SEC. We have a couple thoughts, that we’ll categorize by theme. And no, we don’t know why we decided to do it this way, but if you don’t like, start your own website.
- Money – Many people believe the reason they decided to play was based on money. Certainly, that has something to do with it. Ensuring they receive their financial distributions from the TV deals the conference will certainly make a significant impact. But, conducting approximately 1,000 tests each week isn’t cheap. Having football games in giant, empty stadiums doesn’t exactly generate any revenue. Finally, the athletic departments at most Big Ten schools are self-sustaining, which means that the Presidents of these schools don’t particularly care if the Athletic Department has to take out a loan. After all, the $50 million that Athletics at Michigan will lose by not having fans is less than one percent of their $10 billion budget.
- 21 Days – While you may know 21 Days as a mediocre horror film from 2014, it is also the amount of time anyone with a positive test must sit out before they can return to competition. We eagerly anticipate the Justin Fields online petition when he tests positive in late November and is forced the miss both the Michigan State and Michigan games, and a potential Big Ten Championship game.
- Nebraska – HAHAHAHAHA. “Hey guys, really appreciate your help throughout this process. Since you’re so eager to play, we’ll just go ahead and send you to Columbus week one! Oh, and for the other crossover game, how about Penn State? That work for you, big fella?” Kudos to Kevin Warren, who took a page straight from the Jim Delaney playbook. And Bill Moos, Nebraska’s Athletic Director, is now whining that their schedule is too tough. Bill, here’s some free advice. Shut up, take your beatings, and get better. Or, you know, leave. No one in the Big Ten will miss you.
Now, some of the other FBS conferences who postponed their seasons are contemplating a return. For a conference like the Pac-12, it makes sense. Well, aside from the wildfires that are blazing throughout is geographic footprint. But, presumably, the money they’ll gain from TV will make it financially worth the extensive testing. For a conference like the MAC, whose schools are bleeding money, they receive negligible TV money and won’t be able to play their big-money guarantee games, it’s a bad idea.
One could, of course, make an argument that the tens of thousands of tests that will be used to make sure college football games can be played would be better used by, say…frontline workers, school teachers, the elderly or low-income communities. But, hey, we’re a sports blog so let’s play some football!
The Chaos Continues
Remember how impressed we all were when Houston and Baylor scheduled a game against each other in about 12 hours. Well, they didn’t play. Whoops. Meanwhile, our Tar Heels didn’t get to play Charlotte over the weekend, who had no offensive line due to COVID and contact tracing. And they couldn’t get a replacement game, so they’ll have a 3-week break between games. Why are we sharing all of this information? Because we forgot to mention that the Big Ten is planning to play 8 games in 8 weeks. What could go wrong?
Meanwhile, the NCAA announced that college basketball can start on November 25, which is apparently when COVID will magically disappear. No one loves college hoops more than we do, but we’re a little apprehensive about the basketball season. But, it’s happening because the NCAA is too dependent on the money from March Madness. So much for amateurism, huh?
The new start date primarily impacts some of the early season tournaments, which has led to some fascinating proposals…like moving the Battle 4 Atlantis from the Bahamas to…South Dakota. We hear it’s beautiful there in late November. What’s that? You wanted to snorkel? How about ice fishing? Basically, the same thing. Similarly, the Maui Invitational is moving to Asheville, NC. Will Chaminade make the trip? Or did they just call Roy Williams and he said he was still working from his mountain house, so they just moved the tournament to him.
This Week in FSU Football
Poor Mike Norvell. We’ve documented the less than ideal start to his tenure at FSU, and well, this week it took another hit as he tested positive for COVID. Although, if he’s smart, he’ll opt out of the rest of the season Coack K style and pin all the horrible losses they will take on an assistant and then just start over next year like this never happened.
We hope Lebron has enjoyed his time as the greatest player in the world, because the torch is about to be passed to Duncan Robinson, when the two legends meet in the NBA Finals. Yes, we know that neither has qualified for the Finals, but that’s irrelevant. You can’t keep two legends away from this showdown.
It’s gonna be a lot tougher for the Nationals to come back from a 19-31 start this season. The MLB season comes to an end soon, and we don’t mean to brag, but we picked 4 of the six division winners. Never mind that we also picked the Pirates to win the NL Central.
Your Source for Tennis News
We’d like to thank loyal Hangover reader Fun Aunt Liz for the heads up this week that the Fed Cup, an international women’s team competition, changed its name to the Billie Jean King Cup. This is the first major global team competition to be named for a woman. And for those who don’t know, Billie Jean King is the
name of the woman Djokovic drilled in the throat with a tennis ball at the US Open a pioneer and tremendous champion. Seriously – that’s a cool, and well deserved honor.
Ok friends. Let’s have a great week. And if you ever get frustrated, it could be worse. You could 6-putt from 4 feet and then quit. Don’t be Danny Lee.