Weekly Ramblings – January 10

Look – a lot a crazy, terrible things happened this past week in the world, but for the sake of our own sanity, we’re going to write a few words about sports and see if we can conjure up a few jokes just to make ourselves feel better.  

On Saturday, the Washington Football Team hosted the Tampa Bay Tom Bradys and lost a hard-fought game behind a heroic effort from something called Taylor Heinicke. To give you a sense of the emotional roller coaster we endured during the game, here are a select few texts we sent during the game: 

“Ready to dominate!” 

“Ominous start…” 

“Heinicke making some good throws.” 


And then we started the second quarter. Ultimately, we’re nothing if not self-aware, and we know Washington had no business even being in the playoffs. So, with that said, there’s legitimate optimism heading into the offseason.  And not, we just signed a 42-year old Deion Sanders AND a 48-year old Bruce Smith optimism, but like, there’s a real foundation of talent and a head coach who actually knows what he’s doing. It’s all very unsettling. 

Elsewhere in the NFL playoffs, after a season of fans and media trashing their quarterback play, we were shocked to see the Bears made the playoffs. Naturally, they lost. But hey – you made it! Good for you! 

Also, the Browns finally made the playoffs…and their coach can’t be there due to COVID. To even the playing field, the Steelers spotted them a touchdown by snapping the ball over Roethlisberger’s head on the first play from scrimmage. We assume that will be the highlight of the Browns stay in the 2021 playoffs. 

Since we didn’t do any sort of preview of the NFL playoffs, we’re picking the Bills and the Packers to make the Super Bowl, with the Packers winning. Why? Well, the Packers are really good, and the Bills deserve to have something good happen to them. Not actually winning the Super Bowl good – that’s crazy talk. But, you know, getting there is nice. 

Speaking of getting there, college hoops is just trying to do whatever it can to get to the NCAA Tournament, which will take place entirely in the state of Indiana. Which, frankly, feels more like a punishment than a reward. Nevertheless, while plenty of games are being played, plenty are also not being played.  

Carolina had its game against Clemson postponed Saturday, which means the Heels have still only played 3 home games. Given that they are 59-1 against Clemson in Chapel Hill, a visit from the Tigers might have been the cure for what has been ailing the Heels.  

College football’s season comes to a close on Monday night, and, well, there seems to be as little buzz around this game as we can remember, despite the fact that it has the potential to be one of the best Championship games we’ve seen. Maybe it’s just the relief that the season is finally over, or maybe it was all the Alabama and Ohio State fans were busy taking a field trip to the US Capitol Building this past week.  

(Side note – the Browns just got an interception and took a 14-0 lead. Maybe 2021 will be the year everything changes for the Browns. Or maybe they are just being set up for another horrible disappointment. Forget we said anything.) 

Either way, here’s our breakdown of the game: 

Alabama has players who received the awards for best center, best interior lineman, best wide receiver, best running back, best quarterback, most versatile player and most outstanding player (x2). So, we feel pretty good about Alabama’s offense. 

Ohio State, meanwhile, managed to get an entire conference to play football after they voted against playing, have that conference change the rules to allow them to play in the conference championship games and then have them change their COVID protocols so more players could be available for the CFP semifinal. They might have as many wins from Zoom meetings as they do from actual games. They even lobbed out the idea of postponing the CFP Title Game to try to get Justin Fields some additional rest a full complement of players after another COVID outbreak. Apparently, their zoom meeting win streak hit the mute button that is Nick Saban. 

As much as it pains us to admit this, if any program in the country can match Alabama for talent, it’s Clemson. And Ohio State took Clemson to the proverbial woodshed in the semifinal. So, the Buckeyes will be ready to go, and will make this a really compelling matchup. 

(Side note – the Browns just got an interception and took a 14-0 lead. Maybe 2021 will be the year everything changes for the Browns. Or maybe they are just being set up for another horrible disappointment. Forget we said anything.)  

However, if we circle back to three paragraphs ago, we’re going to go with the team with the best center, best interior lineman, best wide receiver, best running back, best quarterback, most versatile player and most outstanding player. Roll Tide – 42-38. 

Folks – we interrupt this blog to inform you that the Browns are winning 28-0 at the end of the first quarter, with their head coach sitting in his basement watching the game on television. This is not a joke. And while there’s absolutely no chance we’re going to be awake for the end of this game, we’re shutting down the blog for tonight to spend time with our family, because this might be the end of the world as we know it. 

Published by workhangover

I'm a blog, mostly about sports. Come for the gripping analysis, stay for the witty jokes.

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